I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
