Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
