everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
