I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
