Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
