There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
