my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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