she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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