porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
