Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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