This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I want a musical about memes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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