i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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