y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
