Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
