And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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