apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
