so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
