3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
