Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
