You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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