According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
