I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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