Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
