I wish I could teleport
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
