malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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