Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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