speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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