when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
