Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
