i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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