hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
