so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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