I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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