like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
