I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
