it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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