i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
