if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
