I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
