I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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