franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
