I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
