Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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