Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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