You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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