i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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