Michael Bay diarrhea
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
