What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
