all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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