P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
