At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
