Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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