That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
