we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
