We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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