Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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