I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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